“You’ll never be at home anywhere in this world unless you are at home within yourself”
-scar_poetry
Content Warning: this blog contains information about child sex abuse and human trafficking.
This is a different kind of blog.
My goal here is to share stories of survivors through their own words, as well as share artists and activists who are working to raise awareness in the area of child abuse and sex trafficking. Scroll down to the end to see the list. My hope is that you will take some time to sit with these stories, and process in your own way.
Thanks in advance for leaning in, and taking these stories to your heart.
As the magnitude of Epstein Files emerges from decades of secrecy, I, like you, am reading about it, feeling awful, and trying to practice extra self care this week. That’s a new approach for me, because sometimes, to be honest, self care is code for “I’ll sit this one out.”
As an empath, the emotional fatigue is real. Tears flow easily down my face. I find it hard to concentrate on the basics. The more I learn about what happened, the more I want to close that box and move on to something light. I do that — often. But here’s the thing I’ve been learning from the stories I’ve heard. Abusers desperately want the individuals who suffered, to suffer in silence. I can’t be part of furthering the isolation, because of my own discomfort.
In the end, nothing is truly more exhausting than trying to avoid living well. For me, living well includes practicing empathy, feeling things deeply, and making art. It’s hard, but the alternative of checking out, numbing feelings, and distracting myself with trivial escapes does not sit right. I might not make any change in the greater world, but I’ve learned to ignore that thought— because change starts with changing that belief. If everyone shut out heavy stories, what kind of world would we be making for survivors?
As survivor and activist Grace Tame so eloquently puts it, “As uncomfortable as it all is to talk about and hear about, nothing is more uncomfortable than the abuse itself.”
I believe it is important to acknowledge the heavy costs of leaning in. The shift — the brain fog, tears and sleepless nights — I used to see those as a signal to back away from the journey of understanding. Lately, I’ve been seeing them as an act of solidarity and love. “Weeping with those who weep” is not a cute idea, it is a powerful life practice. Through the rock in my gut and the tears pouring down my cheeks as I move through the day, I feel such a heaviness, and I know it is important to maintain acts of self care so that I can be strong enough to stand in advocacy for the long term. And so, the delicate dance of learning to absorb someone else’s heavy story, while continuing self care, begins.
I’ve had seasons of limited capacity for this practice, and those were the very seasons when I learned that listening, holding, and sharing are not optional for me. These practices form a foundation for my life that is crucial to my experience of being in this world. To engage with stories, I lean in and learn more, take a nap, or go to the studio and express the feelings that surface. Then, I pick up another story, and learn more. After that, I try to engage a conversation, and ask myself, what is the next right step?
I don’t know any of the Epstein file survivors, and I don’t pretend to speak for them, but I believe they want us to know what happened, care for ourselves while we learn, and deepen our understanding of the pervasive, highly lucrative, and disturbingly common practice of child sex abuse and sex trafficking.
Many people in the Epstein files are around the same age as me. I lived a safe, sheltered life. I never had to face the situations they did. I can’t imagine what they went through, the mind games played, the harm and the trauma that remains in their minds and hearts today.
This week, I’ve explored some stories of survivors I want to share with you. Some are from the Epstein files, and others are contributions by artists and activists who want to shed light on the horrors they themselves have seen or faced. Lifting off the heavy weight covering this subject, I know you will see the illuminating light within each of these strong and radiant humans.
I’m listing these as an outline for your practice of building awareness and self care.
Do you also make art? Get out a sketchbook and some pencil crayons, a crochet project in process, or something you can do to physically engage creatively as you take in the stories here. I invite you to set aside an hour or two, maybe even three, if you can. Give the storytellers space to share their experience with you. Give yourself time to absorb, and weep. Then, think of a grounding activity to follow. and gather strength.
Finally, I invite you to share what you’ve learned — share it through your own way. Conversations, social media. Pass these important messages along. The survivors who have been through the horrors of abuse have incredible wisdom to offer, and a deep desire to see the world become a more safe and caring place for children.
Here are some stories to take to heart. Click on each name for the link to their story.
Virginia Giuffre - After sexual abuse in her early childhood, she had dreams of becoming a massage therapist, when she met a friendly and very posh lady named Ghislaine, who assured her that her dream would one day come true.
Scar_Poetry “I Own My Body” shares a poignant spoken word poem about the power of her body, and self love.
Marina Lacerda - An Epstein and Maxwell abuse survivor who was trying to make it through life as a recent immigrant to America with her single mom and sister, and did anything she could to help make ends meet.
Grace Tame - A child abuse survivor and activist who is educating the public about the psychological abuse that goes with child sex abuse.
Courtney Wild - Was fourteen and experiencing unstable housing, when she was approached with an opportunity to have support, and feel significant.
Luzene Hill - An artist and activist who seeks to raise awareness about the disproportionate number of indigenous women and girls who experience sex abuse in America every day.
Leena Kejriwal - Speaks about her art practice, and how she raises awareness about sex trafficking through guerrilla art in India.
Annie Farmer - A survivor of abuse by Epstein and Maxwell, is now a psychologist, and offers resources to help combat global and national exploitation around the world.